the broken laptop i sold on ebay: May 2006

Hello. My name is Amir Massoud Tofangsazan and i live in Barnet. I'm 19 but pretend to be a lot older and like to pretend that I'm a big businessman when I'm not actually that clever. on 29th November 2005 I sold a laptop on eBay. You can view the auction below. (Do you like the picture of me I took with my webcam?).

Although the buyer paid the £375 total within a few days, it took me nearly two months before i bothered to post the laptop. What the buyer didn't know was that it differed slightly from its description on ebay. Rather than having 2Gb of RAM, it only had 512Mb. It also didnt have a DVD-RW as described. Perhaps most importantly of all, the laptop didn't actually work! haha genius! Selling a 'working' laptop that doesn't work! Despite polite requests from the seller, I denied anything was wrong and refused to refund his money, then i agreed to but of course didn't. Then I claimed to have moved to Dubai and hoped he'd forget about it.

But he didn't forget about it. He took the hard disk out and behold! one laptop crammed with pictures that I really should have deleted before trying to sell it!

There was lots and lots (and lots and lots and lots) of pornography;

Some foot fetish porn;

Some gay porn (edited for decency, there was worse than this);

photos of whoever this is...?!;

these lovely ladies;

and these;

topless photos of myself;

many, many (90 to be exact) pictures of woman's legs that i took on the train with my camera phone;

whatever the fuck these are supposed to be;

In addition i also had all my bank details, my mum's bank details, scans of my mum's passport and driving license, (I wont show those here though);

a photocopy of my passport (with the date (badly) altered);

and various copies of my CV (all with different GCSE grades) as well as full access to MSN and hotmail (it just signed in automatically, whoops!).

The buyer of my laptop was understandably miffed at being ripped off but highly amused at finding this wide selection of information so easily accessible. What else could he do but publish this information on the internet for the whole world to see what a sad man I really am!

I've tried to claim that it wasn't my laptop and that it belonged to an 'employee' of mine. Why then did it have my CV, photos of me, my passport, my MSN and my bank details on it?, as well as this picture of me sitting in front of the laptop?!

Hmmm, i guess I'm just a bad liar! Anyway, let me know what you think of my fraudulent behaviour!

Lots of love

Amir XXX

EDIT, 25/05/2006: Due to popular demand, Here's a few more photos, once again, all found on the hard drive. this site is 100% genuine, i swear i'm not making anything up (unlike amir himself, of course!) anyway enjoy! --laptopguy

more amir, all on his own, in his bedroom, in front of his computer. oh shit, thats my computer now! ewwwwwwwww...

some classy fast food joint. part of your business empire, amir?

whoever the fuck this is. again;

erm...

due to (yet more) public demand, some more photos for your amusement!!

er.....

more legs;

amir asleep, i think...?!

the family.

UPDATE:

I think its time I posted some highlights of Amir's various CVs on here. Pictures are one thing, but I think it's high time we had some words of wisdom from the man himself! So, over to Amir...

Personal Statement:

As you already know from the above my name is Amir Tofangsazan. I just would like to take the time to introduce myself. Firstly I would like to say my four most important qualities which are found below:

Honest on all occasion’s example of this would be when I had a bank error in my favour of £5,000. I stated this to my bank and happily returned it and received a lot of praise from that particular branch.
Hard working an example of this is working on un-implied terms work after my hours of my duty. I must tell when I am set a task I always complete it the same day.
Very punctual I am rarely ever late. The last time I was late for anything is an estimated two years ago
A team player I am very self motivated this enables me to motivate others which pleases me fully an example of this is when I help out in my fathers restaurant my duty was be overall charge of the business for a long duration.

Hobbies and Interests:

My hobbies include Long Distance Running which I have run in both Nike 10k runs the first and the one at night. Football which I used to play in my secondary school which I was the nominated captain due to my leadership and communication skills, My interests include cooking the Stock market and travelling abroad to new countries.

Here's a description of amir that i found... seems strangely appropriate now, i like the bit where he says 'i like to make people laugh at my expense'

I am an exciting fun guy who loves to have fun and outgoing times. I am 5ft 10 inches tall and dark brown eyes with a nice smile which people have told me. I have also short dark brown hair. I describe my figure to be athletic due to I do a lot of sports such as long distance running, soccer and tennis... I find myself to be very honest on all occasions and I can be a romantic at times. I like to make people laugh at my expense so that they aren’t uncomfortable or upset in anyway. Basically I am a very chilled guy and I always put the lady the first.