the broken laptop i sold on ebay: 2006

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Alright?! Amir again, wid some new pictures from the hard drive of the broken laptop what i sold on ebay! I still haven't paid Tom back, i think i might of got got away with it due to that i haven't said sorry and has still got his money so that is all good hopefully this whole silly thing is died down. anyway as i am seeking employment i would like to take this opportunity to present my skills so i enclose my cv for perusal purposes.

Curriculum Vitai

Amir Tofangsazan

Date of 20^th October 1987

Place of birth: Milton Keynes

Personal statement

I am very hard working and always give no less than a hundred and ten percent. I am able to deal with stress very well in such away it doesn’t affect my work. I believe my customer service skills are very essential to me in my working life. My definition of a good customer service is always treat the customer with the up most respect as you would to another human being the reason why you should do this is because at the end of the day they are the people who help make a company meet two of its primary objective’s these are make a profit and increase the companies market share. My friends and family find me to be very polite, honest, reliable and friendly. My previous employers thought of me to be very punctual, hard working and always being able to meet a target for myself or the company. I have never in my life not met a target so far and I intend very much to keep that record. I find myself to be very dedicated and loyal to all of my previous and future occupations. All I have left to say is I hope you will consider me as it would be my dream come true to work for a company such as yours.

Education and qualifications

Secondary school: Mount Grace School in potters bar, in Hertfordshire

Subjects: Grades:

Maths C

Business Studies (VGCSE = two GCSE’S) C, C

Single Science E

English C

English Literature C

Catering C

Physical Education C

Drama C

History C

I.C.T C

Previous employment

Red planet and marketing Dates: October 2003- May 2004

Role and responsibilities

Position: Team manager

What my position was within the company was Team manager the responsibilities that I had for this role are found below.

Lead the team
Train new members of my team
Complete admin tasks
Help with the company branch bookkeeping
Be punctual
And attend all meetings with the managing director

Hollywood fried chicken (Fathers Business part time) Dates:

Role and responsibilities

Position: Dayshift manager

Role and responsibilities: My role and responsibilities was to make sure this company meets its targets for one and for example no less than 60 customers or make no less than two hundred and fifty pounds. I had also to take the responsibility of making sure we had enough stock if we did not enough stock I would have the responsibility to order it. I had to take control of business banking and bookkeeping. Banking for the day shift and bookkeeping overall. Finally if the employees were late or did not even turn up for the day shift I would have to take the responsibility to act on it in a professional and appropriate way. In such away that they know it can not be tolerated within the company.

Here is some picutes:

Dear To Whom It May Concern (Attendance officer)

Subject: Letter for my son Amir Tofangsazan absences

Tuesday 3^rd May & Wednesday 4^th May: My son was absent due to the fact he took study leave which the head of six form granted him permission providing I gave this letter. In his study leave he went to Bournemouth to do research for his coursework.

Thursday 5^th may: Amir was late in the morning due to the fact his bus failed to stop at the bus stop due to the bus was full. he left at 1:00pm meaning he missed his afternoon lesson 5^th period due to a part of his contact lens got stuck in his eye therefore he had to go the hospital to remove it from his eye.

Friday 6^th May: Amir was unable to attend because it was requested by the doctor not to attend until his eye stopped irritating.

If you require anything further regarding my son’s absences please do not hesitate to call me on my mobile.

Kind Regards

Mrs Tofangsazan

and some legs too!:

anyway i must go as i have things to do so to speak in all truthfulness.

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I have been asked by www.laptopguy.com to emphasis that they have absolutely no affiliation with or connection to the subject matter of this blog. There is no connection whatsoever between this blog and the U.S.-based business named The Laptop Guy.

--ltg

Monday, June 05, 2006

A MESSAGE TO AMIR:

You know as well as me that you sold me faulty goods. Even if the laptop worked when you posted it (which i do not believe), i have a letter from royal mail saying your packaging was not sufficient, so either way you are liable for the cost of the laptop. However, I do not want you to give the money back to me. I want you to give it to charity, whatever charity or charities you feel deserve it. I can survive without the money, and if you find it in yourself to do the right thing, admit you made a mistake and give £375 to a good cause, I hope the world will take note that you have taken responsibility, learnt a lesson and can do good things. This way, you will be left with at least some respect, and your reputation will survive, as everybody makes mistakes, it just takes courage to admit to them and move on. If you donate to charity, i will take the photos down and replace them with details of your donations and your apology. You will then be remembered as the scammer who changed his ways, rather than the scammer who hid from his problems and refused to admit when he was wrong. So if you want to put an end to this.
--Tom

Monday, May 08, 2006

The very bigging of the Amir Tofangsazan Story

Hello. My name is Amir Massoud Tofangsazan and i live in Barnet. I'm 19 but pretend to be a lot older and like to pretend that I'm a big businessman when I'm not actually that clever. on 29th November 2005 I sold a laptop on eBay. You can view the auction below. (Do you like the picture of me I took with my webcam?).

Although the buyer paid the £375 total within a few days, it took me nearly two months before i bothered to post the laptop. What the buyer didn't know was that it differed slightly from its description on ebay. Rather than having 2Gb of RAM, it only had 512Mb. It also didnt have a DVD-RW as described. Perhaps most importantly of all, the laptop didn't actually work! haha genius! Selling a 'working' laptop that doesn't work! Despite polite requests from the seller, I denied anything was wrong and refused to refund his money, then i agreed to but of course didn't. Then I claimed to have moved to Dubai and hoped he'd forget about it.

But he didn't forget about it. He took the hard disk out and behold! one laptop crammed with pictures that I really should have deleted before trying to sell it!

There was lots and lots (and lots and lots and lots) of pornography;

Some foot fetish porn;

Some gay porn (edited for decency, there was worse than this);

photos of whoever this is...?!;

these lovely ladies;

and these;

topless photos of myself;

many, many (90 to be exact) pictures of woman's legs that i took on the train with my camera phone;

whatever the fuck these are supposed to be;

In addition i also had all my bank details, my mum's bank details, scans of my mum's passport and driving license, (I wont show those here though);

a photocopy of my passport (with the date (badly) altered);

and various copies of my CV (all with different GCSE grades) as well as full access to MSN and hotmail (it just signed in automatically, whoops!).

The buyer of my laptop was understandably miffed at being ripped off but highly amused at finding this wide selection of information so easily accessible. What else could he do but publish this information on the internet for the whole world to see what a sad man I really am!

I've tried to claim that it wasn't my laptop and that it belonged to an 'employee' of mine. Why then did it have my CV, photos of me, my passport, my MSN and my bank details on it?, as well as this picture of me sitting in front of the laptop?!

Hmmm, i guess I'm just a bad liar! Anyway, let me know what you think of my fraudulent behaviour!

Lots of love

Amir XXX

EDIT, 25/05/2006: Due to popular demand, Here's a few more photos, once again, all found on the hard drive. this site is 100% genuine, i swear i'm not making anything up (unlike amir himself, of course!) anyway enjoy! --laptopguy

more amir, all on his own, in his bedroom, in front of his computer. oh shit, thats my computer now! ewwwwwwwww...

some classy fast food joint. part of your business empire, amir?

whoever the fuck this is. again;

erm...

due to (yet more) public demand, some more photos for your amusement!!

er.....

more legs;

amir asleep, i think...?!

the family.

UPDATE:

I think its time I posted some highlights of Amir's various CVs on here. Pictures are one thing, but I think it's high time we had some words of wisdom from the man himself! So, over to Amir...

Personal Statement:

As you already know from the above my name is Amir Tofangsazan. I just would like to take the time to introduce myself. Firstly I would like to say my four most important qualities which are found below:

Honest on all occasion’s example of this would be when I had a bank error in my favour of £5,000. I stated this to my bank and happily returned it and received a lot of praise from that particular branch.
Hard working an example of this is working on un-implied terms work after my hours of my duty. I must tell when I am set a task I always complete it the same day.
Very punctual I am rarely ever late. The last time I was late for anything is an estimated two years ago
A team player I am very self motivated this enables me to motivate others which pleases me fully an example of this is when I help out in my fathers restaurant my duty was be overall charge of the business for a long duration.

Hobbies and Interests:

My hobbies include Long Distance Running which I have run in both Nike 10k runs the first and the one at night. Football which I used to play in my secondary school which I was the nominated captain due to my leadership and communication skills, My interests include cooking the Stock market and travelling abroad to new countries.

Here's a description of amir that i found... seems strangely appropriate now, i like the bit where he says 'i like to make people laugh at my expense'

I am an exciting fun guy who loves to have fun and outgoing times. I am 5ft 10 inches tall and dark brown eyes with a nice smile which people have told me. I have also short dark brown hair. I describe my figure to be athletic due to I do a lot of sports such as long distance running, soccer and tennis... I find myself to be very honest on all occasions and I can be a romantic at times. I like to make people laugh at my expense so that they aren’t uncomfortable or upset in anyway. Basically I am a very chilled guy and I always put the lady the first.